Once More With Liason
by eatatjoes4
Summary: When the unthinkable happens, will Jason and Elizabeth ever find their way back to each other? Lame summary, but that's what you get sometimes.
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is easily the darkest, most angsty fic I've ever written. It's alternate history. While the characters are the same, their history is different. For example, Liz wasn't raped as a teen so she and Lucky never got together. It's also sorta songfic. I'm picking and choosing which lyrics fit but the songs are in order from the musical episode of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_, _Once More With Feeling_. I think Buffy's struggle to return from the dead somewhat parallels what Liz suffers in this fic. If you haven't watched what was one of the best hours ever on TV, do so now! Go on, head to Netflix and pull up Buffy Season 6. I'll wait…

**_Prologue: Going Through the Motions_**

_Every single night  
The same arrangement  
I go out and fight the fight  
Still I always feel  
This strange estrangement  
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right_

Twenty-two year old Elizabeth Webber tossed the used napkins in the trash as she cleared another table. Kelly's was now closed and she should have been out of here at least twenty minutes ago. The high school soccer team had won the regional championship and chose to celebrate here. She didn't mind. What else was she going to do tonight? Emily was at the movies with Nik, Lucky was treating Sarah to dinner at the Grille, and Jason was…out of the question.

_Just hoping no one knows  
That I've been going through the motions  
Walking through the part  
Nothing seems to penetrate my...  
Heart_

She had vowed that she would not cry for Jason ever again. Her eyes didn't seem to be listening and the tears fell onto the table she had just wiped down. She swiped her cheeks angrily. Who spent their whole life with their first love anyway? It was fairy tale stuff. In the real world, ugly happened and you just had to deal with it. In her world, ugly meant shutting off her heart and letting Jason go.

_Will I stay this way forever?  
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?_

She sank into the chair, taking deep breaths to get her emotions under control. She couldn't afford to feel. It would destroy her. If her friends found out, they would never look at her the same way again. If Jason found out, he would be gone from her life for good. At least now, he occasionally came for coffee and she could spend a few wistful minutes imagining a life where ugly didn't exist. Then he left and ugly's hold on her was restored.

_Going through the motions  
Losing all my drive  
I can't even see  
If this is really me  
And I just wanna be...  
Alive!_

Ever since it happened, she felt like an alien in her own skin. There was a part of her longing to break out and reclaim the life she had before it. But then his words played through her mind again. The ghosts of his hands ran across her skin. The memory of his force weakened her. She was trapped in a nightmare he created and not even Jason could save her.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 1: I've Got a Theory_**

_I've got a theory  
We should work this fast_

_Because it clearly could get serious  
Before it's passed _

Emily Quartermaine had been patient for over a month. It was time to call in the troops. The meeting was to be at Wyndemere since Elizabeth never went there anymore. Sarah begged off to study but that didn't really bother her. Sarah was an appendage. Lucky and Nik were here and even Jason was hovering by the door.

"Okay, we've all seen it. Elizabeth is a freaking mess." Jason's face shut down at the mention of his ex-girlfriend but Emily plowed ahead. She needed his help above the others and, while she hated hurting him, Liz mattered more right now. "It's been nearly two months since she changed and we need to figure out what happened."

Lucky glanced at Jason. "If anyone knows anything at all, now is the time to speak."

Jason didn't even bother to glare at him. He wanted to leave but his sister was right. Elizabeth was hurting and he loved her too much to let it go on. "She didn't tell me."

Nikolas frowned. "That frightens me almost as much as the way she's acting. I've never known Liz to keep anything from Jason."

Em nodded in agreement. "True. I'm her best friend but Jase is her true love. She cut him out of her life and now she's trying to do the same thing to me."

"To all of us," Lucky added.

Jason walked over to the window. The harbor was calm in the afternoon sun. He wasn't. Six weeks ago, the woman he had loved since waking in the hospital had broken up with him. Her only explanation was that she was planning on a move to New York in the fall to work in a gallery and didn't think a long distance relationship would work. It was ludicrous and not only because would he have gladly moved with her. His hand fingered the ring he still carried in his pocket. She knew he was going to propose. She wanted it.

Jason tuned the others out completely as he thought back over that day. He had just returned from South America where he had completed a job for Sonny. All he had wanted was to hold her and have her wash away the filth of his chosen career. Fifteen days apart was too long and he had let his boss know that he wouldn't leave her like that again. Then she left him.

Lucky hated how Jason ignored him. His teenage crush on Liz was ancient history. He loved Sarah. Jason acted like Elizabeth was his property. The younger man had secretly enjoyed hearing that Liz dumped him. "Look, whatever happened, maybe we should try an intervention. You know, get her out here and let her know she has our support."

Emily thought it over. "Wouldn't she feel like we're ganging up on her? That's usually the first reaction on that show."

"She's not an addict," Nik said. "But Em's right. What if we approached her one at a time? Wear her down?"

Emily watched Jason. "Isn't that what we've been trying to do? She clams up as soon as I get close."

The prince shrugged. "Maybe we've been too gentle with her. Maybe it's time to ask the hard questions."

"What kind of questions?" Lucky followed Em's gaze. Just like Elizabeth, Emily had a serious case of hero worship where Jason was concerned. This might be his chance to show them all he could handle things as well as the enforcer.

Nik answered him. "Did she get another rejection letter from a gallery? Have her parents contacted her?"

"Is her gram giving her a hard time?" Emily suggested. "Is she sick?"

Jason jerked around. "Sick? Have you noticed anything?" Elizabeth had lost weight but he thought it was because of their breakup. He had lost some too. She was pale and her eyes didn't shine like they always did for him. He saw it as proof she no longer loved him. If she were sick, seriously ill, maybe, he hated even thinking it, maybe dying, would she think it better to cut him off? His heart pounded as he considered it.

The pre-med student was quick to reassure him. "No, it was just an idea."

Lucky sighed. "I'm going to her studio now. I'll call you later, Em." He strode out the room.

Jason fought the urge to call him back. He wanted to be the one to break through Elizabeth's shell just as she had done for him three years ago. While everyone else was waiting for Jason Quartermaine to return, Elizabeth welcomed Jason Morgan into her life. She convinced him to give up train surfing and try a motorcycle. He liked the bike well enough but loved her reaction to it even more. Needless to say, both the bike and the lady found their way into his soul.

Nikolas and Emily continued batting theories around while Jason watched the launch make its way to the docks. He didn't like Lucky much but Elizabeth did. If the boy could get through to her, Jason could tolerate that. On the other hand, if he made things worse, Jason would finally have the excuse he wanted to beat the crap of out of him.

-gh-

Elizabeth stared at the blank canvas. It needed dusting. Her missing muse was probably somewhere laughing at her. Or drinking away her sorrow being assigned such a worthless artist. The worst part was that she didn't care. Her art was as lost to her as Jason.

The knock startled her. Her friends' visits had become infrequent as she pulled away. Lucky's shout made her relax. He was the easiest to be around. He believed every word she said and backed off easily.

"Hey," she greeted him as she opened the door.

Lucky stepped inside. "Hi. I wasn't in the neighborhood but I decided to drop by anyway."

She chuckled. The guy was so darn corny. "Okay. Have a seat."

He stopped instead and she nearly ran into him. The unexpected closeness sent fear racing through her. She jumped back and held up a hand to ward him off.

Lucky took in her reaction and wondered what it meant. She didn't want to touch him. What was she afraid of? "Elizabeth?"

She forced a smile. "Sorry. Um, I, uh, I've just been extra clumsy lately."

He returned her smile as the truth flooded him. "No problem. Elizabeth, you know I care about you, right?" He waited for nod. "But I'm in love with Sarah. We can't be more than friends."

Elizabeth froze. Lucky thought she wanted him? It was just about the most ridiculous thing she ever heard. She laughed. He looked a little miffed and she laughed harder. "Lucky, I don't feel that way about you. Honest."

Lucky hated looking like a fool and made a quick exit. He was going to find Sarah and spend the evening in bed erasing any thoughts of her sister.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: lrobinson01, here's your gratuitous Sam death! Enjoy!

**_Chapter 2: If We're Together_**

_What can't we face  
If we're together?  
What's in this place  
That we can't weather? _

Emily invited Elizabeth to the Quartermaine mansion for brunch in Lila's rose garden. It was something they did every few weeks so Liz wasn't at first suspicious. They laughed over Lucky's warped conclusion as they enjoyed fruit crepes and tea.

With the meal over, Emily took a deep breath. "Liz, please, whatever it is, you don't have to go through it alone."

Elizabeth gulped. "Maybe it's better if I do."

"NO!" Em countered. "From the first day of kindergarten, we have faced everything together. Everything! From kooky Anthony Zacchara stealing our crayons to that sleazy Sam McCall who tried to steal Jason."

"Whatever happened to her?" Liz asked.

Emily waved an arm as she answered. "She was hit and killed by a tractor trailer out by the university. But that's not the point! The point is, something is going on and I can help."

Elizabeth was quiet for several minutes. "What if…what if it only gets worse? What if opening up only leads to more trouble?"

Em leaned over her empty plate. "Then we weather the storm TOGETHER."

Liz's voice was soft. "Please, if I do tell, you have to promise me not to tell Jason."

Emily's brow furrowed. That wasn't what she was expecting. Jason and Elizabeth were epic. They had the love everyone dreamed of. "Liz…"

"Promise me. Swear it, Em, or I'm leaving now."

The seriousness on her friend's face swayed her. "Okay. I promise that this will stay between us."

-gh-

Emily sat in her room, her thoughts in turmoil. What Elizabeth had suffered…

Her first instinct was to find her brother and tell him. She regretted her promise, knowing that Elizabeth desperately needed Jason. She kept it because she knew Elizabeth was right. Jason would do the one thing guaranteed to destroy his life. Like Elizabeth, she loved him too much to risk it.

If Jason was out, she needed to find someone else to help. Lucky wasn't an option. He would make the whole thing about him. Nikolas had the resources to help but Elizabeth had been adamant. If Nik knew, Jason would eventually find out. All it would take for Nik to mouth off to his friend was a little righteous anger and some vodka. Once he knew, there would be plenty of both flowing.

Her father poked his head in the door. "How would you like to keep your dear old dad company? Mom got called in for an emergency bypass and I don't want to listen to my father and Tracy fight through dinner. I'll take you anywhere you like."

Emily grinned. Her father would listen without asking for specifics and might steer her in the right direction. "I'd love it! How about the new Hibachi place?"

Alan motioned for her to lead the way. "My pleasure."

As they ate, Emily presented her problem as a case study from her psychology class. Alan listened and asked insightful questions. She answered as best she could.

"Well, sweetheart, the young woman should have gone to the police. Pressing charges is a good way to fight the feeling of shame. She should also see a counselor. A good friend would point her in the right direction," he said.

Emily realized he knew her too well. "You're not buying that this is a case study."

Alan took her hand. "Elizabeth needs more help than you can provide. Get her to see Kevin Collins as soon as possible."

She nodded. "Dad, please don't tell anyone. Elizabeth has her reasons for keeping quiet."

"Jason deserves the truth." He had failed his son enough and wanted to do something right.

Em toyed with her water glass. "She thinks she's protecting him and I kinda agree. We both know what he'd do."

Alan did and unhappily vowed to keep the secret.

-gh-

Nikolas used board business to go to GeneralHospital. Audrey had retired but still volunteered frequently. He found her in the pediatric ward reading to the children. She was a wonderful grandmother. He didn't bother wishing Helena was more like her. He only wished Helena dead. Lesley was his solace.

"Nikolas, darling, how are you?" Audrey always made him feel special.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. Is there something I can help you with?" she asked.

The prince nodded and led her to a private waiting room. "It's about Elizabeth."

Audrey placed a hand on his shoulder. "She won't talk to me. I've tried. I've always hated to see her hurting and this is, oh, Nikolas, she's in pain."

"I know," he choked out. Audrey's despair fed his own. "I don't know what to do though. She's closing herself off."

"We'll do the only thing we can. We will keep loving and supporting her. Eventually she will talk and we'll be there to listen."

Nik hugged the older woman and offered his gratitude. Audrey was right. Elizabeth couldn't keep this up much longer.

-gh-

Jason watched her from outside Kelly's. Elizabeth was smiling at her customers but it looked false. His girl had never been one for pretending and she wasn't doing it very well now. He wanted to sweep her off to someplace private and hold her while she cried. When her tears ran out, she could talk and then he could fix this. And when he did, he could ask her the question they had both been anticipating and she would agree to be his wife.

Shaking his head, he stepped away. Whatever it was, she didn't want him to fix it. He had spent a month begging her to talk, to take him back, to just be his friend, to let him in her life in even the smallest way. She didn't want him and it was time he accepted it.

-gh-

Elizabeth had known he was out there and she knew when he left. She had always felt his presence so clearly. It had been her biggest comfort and now it was her deepest pain. What happened to her was bad; losing Jason made it worse.

She knew he loved her just as much as she loved him. A word, hell, even a look was all it would take to get him back. He could read her like a book and it had freed her to live her life fully and joyously. That was over now. There would be no looks or words between them.

The diner door opened and Ric Lansing entered. Penny took his order while Elizabeth ducked into the kitchen.

She needed no reminders that Jason would never again be hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 3: The Mustard_**

_ They got the mustard out!_

"What?" Elizabeth asked as her sister prattled on.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "They got the mustard out of my new blouse. Lucky is such a klutz sometimes. I mean, who needs to wave their hotdog around to make a point?"

Sarah continued along the same lines but Elizabeth wasn't really listening. It was so easy for Sarah to gripe about Lucky's fairly minor mistakes. She had the man she wanted and she didn't appreciate him at all.

Elizabeth cherished every memory she had of Jason Morgan. She had been volunteering at the hospital after his car accident and was delivering flowers from his high school basketball coach when he awakened. He always said that she was the first and only woman he ever saw. It was true. He was gorgeous and women like the late Sam often tried to get his attention. He never noticed.

He might now. He was a guy and he had needs. He could meet some slut at Jake's and take her upstairs for the night. One day, maybe even one day soon, he might fall in love again. Elizabeth would have to stand by while he pledged his life to another woman.

Her stomach knotted. Jason didn't know the reason they were apart and she couldn't hold it against him when he moved on. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she hoped he would. He should be happy, even if she never was.

-gh-

Jason tried to focus on his meeting with Sonny. His work was all he had and he couldn't let anything distract him.

Not even his beautiful Elizabeth. She had been walking through the park and laughing at something Emily said earlier today. It was the first time he had seen her genuinely happy since they broke up. She was moving on. He felt like his feet were firmly planted in cement.

He loved her and he couldn't, wouldn't change that. If it meant being alone, he would be alone. If it meant a lifetime of cold showers, he'd take them. If it meant watching from afar with a broken heart while she was happy, he would endure.

She would start dating again soon. Men were drawn to her and she'd say yes to one of them someday. He had fought as hard as he could but she rejected him at every turn. The future they planned would never come.

"Jason? You listening to me?"

He blinked at his friend. "Yeah, Sonny, I'm listening."

-gh-

Elizabeth and Emily's friendship had been restored with Elizabeth's confession. They hadn't yet come up with a solution but they were back on track. While they spent time crying together in private, they found they could joke around some too. The balloon guy in the park was the latest subject. Seriously, that long one sticking straight up from his wig? Talk about Captain Obvious. He had to be compensating.

Emily steered them toward Kelly's. "So, I'm thinking it's about time the four musketeers hung out. There's a new kung fu movie out on DVD that's just begging to be made fun of. How about Friday night?"

"Okay," Liz hesitated. "First you should know that Lucky came to see me the other day. He thinks I have a thing for him or at least he did. My laughter probably straightened him but he can be pretty clueless."

Emily chuckled. "Like the time he thought Brenda Barrett was flirting with him?"

"Or when he tried to be a songwriter?"

"Photographer!"

"What about when he made that play for his dad's girlfriend? What was her name?"

"Summer," Emily replied. "Dear Lord, she really laid into him and then his dad made fun of him for weeks."

"Months," Elizabeth corrected. "Okay, musketeer movie night is fine with me."

Emily grabbed her phone. "I'll call the boys!"

-gh-

Wyndemere was the traditional locale for the gang and they took up their usual spots before the TV. Lucky was on the floor with the largest cushion, Liz was in the chair with a cashmere throw, and the couple curled up on the couch.

The Japanese import movie was comically bad and they laughed through the whole thing. Elizabeth hadn't realized how much she needed her friends and regretted ignoring them over the last two months. There was still a hole only Jason fit but this was good.

The credits ran and Lucky stood up to stretch. "Ribs or pizza?"

Nik voted for ribs and the girls didn't care so Lucky made a run to the mainland. While he was gone, the girls made brownies. Nik stood in the kitchen door, debating whether or not to call them out on their secret. Whatever was going on with Liz, he was certain Em was now in on it too. The last time they kept something big from him he ended up at a rave looking for a drug dealer. Jason had threatened to lock them both away for their own good but he handled it. Nik could only imagine how bad this might get before they asked for help.

Emily shot a few worried glances at her boyfriend. The gig was up and it was time Elizabeth told him. "Elizabeth."

Liz looked at them both and thought things over. She nodded to Emily and took Nik by the hand back to the den. "This goes no further, okay? I need your promise or I'm not telling you anything. Emily won't either."

Nikolas studied her before answering. "All right. I won't tell."

"I mean it, Nikolas. Your mouth stays shut no matter what."

"Okay, I promise." He thought he knew all about anger and disgust. He was a Cassadine and his life had often been nightmarish. The more Elizabeth talked, the more he understood. His nightmares had been child's play.

-gh-

Lucky returned to find his friends subdued. "Okay, so I'm the odd one out now?"

Em grinned. "You said it."

Elizabeth bit her lip. Lucky was a loose cannon and wouldn't need any vodka at all to spill everything. He would tell Sarah, who would run to Gram. "That Spencer paranoia is going to give you an ulcer. Hand over the ribs and help Nik pick the next movie."

Lucky wasn't buying it but gave in. He was beginning to think he was better off in the dark. That rave thing had gotten out of hand fast and Sarah still hadn't completely forgiven him.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 4: Under Your Spell_**

_I'm under your spell  
How else could it be  
Anyone would notice me?  
It's magic I can tell  
How you set me free  
Brought me out so easily_

Elizabeth was ogling. It wasn't helping her get over Jason but she was doing it anyway. She had come down to sketch the harbor and he was just across the docks unloading coffee. With his shirt off. In the jeans she loved best.

He often worked his job-related frustration off in the warehouse. She licked her lips as she remembered the way he worked off his other frustrations. He made her feel extraordinary when the truth was just the opposite. She was just Elizabeth. He was the beautiful one.

For the first time since the ugly thing happened, she allowed the memories of all the ways he loved her to emerge. He could be gentle or rough, slow or fast and she loved it all. Their lovemaking was never routine and she had eagerly looked forward to what he would do next.

Until it happened. Until Jason's tenderness was overshadowed by another's fierceness.

_I'm under your spell  
Nothing I can do  
You just took my soul with you  
You worked your charm so well  
Finally I knew  
Everything I dreamed was true  
You make me believe_

Jason felt her gaze and worked harder. He remembered the first time he held her in his arms. She had been a virgin yet still trusted him enough to surrender completely to him. Every time they touched, she sweetly gave him all she had. She made him feel worthy and wanted. He didn't know who he was without her.

The longer she watched, the harder he fought not to run over and grab her up in his arms. Her studio was close and they could once again make love on that ratty sofa. She would hold him tight and moan softly in his ear as she found her release. He would follow and then rest his head on her breast, listening as her heartbeat slowed.

He hefted another bag of coffee off the truck. He wouldn't run to her again for one reason: she didn't want him to.

_ You make me complete_

Elizabeth fled the docks and arrived early for her shift at Kelly's. Tammy looked curious but allowed her to clock in. The mundane tasks didn't chase away the feeling deep within that she would never be whole without Jason.

Jason paused to watch her leave. His world was empty without her. Perhaps it was time to try again. It might be hopeless but her stares this afternoon encouraged him.

-gh-

Lucky's mouth hung open at his girlfriend's announcement. "You've been accepted at Johns Hopkins? Sarah, that's great!"

She bounced with excitement. "I know! I keep pinching myself! Dad pulled some strings, I'm sure, but I don't care! It's going to be tricky pulling everything together in less than a month but we can do it."

"We?" he asked.

Sarah stilled. "Yes, I mean, if you don't want to move to Baltimore, then, then I guess I stick with the original plan and stay at PCU."

Lucky was once again shocked. Until now, they had both agreed to keep their relationship casual. "You'd give up going to one of the most prestigious med schools in the world to be with me?"

"Yes," she said with tears in her eyes. "Lucky, I love you. The past year and half have been the best of my life."

He grabbed her and twirled her around. "I love you, babe. And Baltimore is going to be amazing!"

The couple kissed and began planning their move.

-gh-

Nikolas hung up his phone and gathered his thoughts. Lucky and Sarah were leaving. He hadn't realized Lucky cared that much for the studious woman but he could respect it. After all, he had plans for his own pre-med student. Laura would get a kick out of both her sons ending up with doctors. Luke would toss his cookies.

Emily and Alfred came in the den discussing dinner. Nik offered a suggestion and Alfred left.

"What?"

Nik sighed. The woman knew him too well. "Sarah got into Johns Hopkins. Lucky's going with her."

"Really? Great for her!" Emily exclaimed. "Are you worried about Lucky?"

He walked over and took her hands in his. "Not at all. He needs her to keep him in line." Nik kissed her jaw line. "What I am is curious."

Em tilted her head to give him better access. "About what?"

He moved his lips down to her sensitive neck. "When you're going to marry me."

She jerked back. "Did you just ask me to marry you?"

"No."

Emily put her hands on her hips. "You didn't?"

Nik copied her pose. "No, I asked WHEN you would marry me, not IF."

She was completely nonplussed. "Isn't that a little presumptuous on your part?"

He pulled her back into his arms. "Not at all. See I happen to know that you love me and it's forever. So why wait? Why not make the commitment we both want?"

Emily stroked his shoulder. "You're not getting out of this without buying an incredible ring."

"Never thought I would," he murmured as he kissed her again.

-gh-

News from her best friend and her sister had Elizabeth missing Jason more than ever.

She envied Sarah for getting a fresh start in a new place. Of course, that wasn't an option for her. She might move to New York but she would be alone. The past promised to follow and dragging Jason into it wasn't fair to him.

She envied Emily for marrying her prince. Jason was hers and if she told him he would ride to her rescue. It would mean spending the rest of his life in prison but he wouldn't hesitate.

As Elizabeth aimlessly wandered through the aisles of the local grocer, she imagined her wedding. It would be simple and relaxed so that Jason could enjoy it too. She would wear something soft and flowing with her hair in an updo. Jason loved pulling out her combs and running his hand through it. He would wear a suit but no tie. The top button of his dress shirt would be unbuttoned and showing just a hint of his tanned chest.

Just as the daydream took flight, she rounded a corner and ran her buggy into Ric's. Her fantasy crashed. She abandoned her cart and fled the store.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Because you keep asking, I'm going to share just a little tidbit. Elizabeth tells you what happened in ch 8 but Jason won't find out until ch 10. These are my chapter numbers, not ffn. So you still have 3 chapters to guess what's going on before she talks.

**_Chapter 5: I'll Never Tell_**

_This is the man  
That I plan  
To entangle  
Isn't he fine? _

_The only trouble is...  
I'll never tell_

Over the next few days, Jason turned up everywhere. Elizabeth saw him on the docks, at Kelly's, at her favorite ice cream shop, even at the Q's! He never spoke, just watched her. The message in his eyes was clear. He wanted her. She could feel his desire as his gaze swept over her body. Her clothes became too tight in light of the heat radiating from him. She was close to losing control and throwing him on the nearest flat surface.

After the ugly happened, she was revolted by the idea of sex. Jason had been able to text twice during his trip to South America and each one was highly suggestive. It was the sort of play they both enjoyed. Until it happened and she realized that sex, that lovemaking was forever ruined.

Or maybe not forever. Because he was seducing and she was falling. She hid away in her studio on her day off, hoping the space would help put things back in perspective. She had no idea why he chose now for this. They were over and hadn't even spoken in weeks.

The knock at the door startled her. Annoyed at having her sanctuary invaded, she ripped it open prepared to lash out at whichever well-meaning friend chose to visit. She didn't get a word out.

Jason was kissing her and then they were on the couch. His hunger fed hers and they hurriedly removed their clothes. It was hot, fast, and thoroughly satisfying. He didn't give her a chance to recover before he began to make love with her again. It intimate, slow, and shattering to her emotional state.

Jason held his woman and sought for words. He wasn't eloquent and he knew she didn't expect him to be but he needed to get this right. He would lose her if he didn't. "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth stiffened at his question. How many times had he asked that? Every single time her answer had been no, he had fixed it. He always made things better.

Jason knew she was withdrawing. He held her tighter and waited.

"This was a mistake."

He wasn't surprised. She had said they were through but he thought he had proved how wrong she was. "Why do you believe that?"

She tried to get up but he wouldn't release her. "Let me go."

"Never," he promised.

Elizabeth wanted to pull her hair out. She settled for slapping his bicep. "We can't do this."

He snorted. "We just did. Twice. Seems to me we do this very well."

"You're impossible!" She huffed. "Jason, we broke up. I'm leaving. We have no future and therefore we have no longer have sex."

"Why not?"

"Why not what?" she asked.

Jason ran a hand along her side to her hip. "Why don't we have sex?"

She stared at him in disbelief. "Because we broke up!" How was he not getting this?

He lifted his leg to rub against hers. "So we're not dating. We don't hang out. We can still do this."

"This?"

Jason kissed the corner of her mouth. "This. Sex. We can still scratch each other's itches."

She couldn't help laughing. "Scratch each other's itches? Are you kidding?"

"No," he whispered as his mouth moved back to her earlobe. "You're the best scratcher I know."

"I'm the only one you know, you mean." She teased but then rose up with concern. "I mean, I was but we broke up so if…"

Jason interrupted. "You're the only. And since I'm your only, we shouldn't deny ourselves this."

His words were like cold water. "I can't." Memories of another man forced her to her feet. "I'm sorry but I just can't."

Jason sat on the couch watching as she quickly dressed. "Elizabeth, please…"

She sniffed as she fought tears. "No." She ran out the door.

-gh-

Emily organized a going-away party for Lucky and Sarah at Jake's. Elizabeth went but wished she hadn't. Jason was at the pool table and he was still shooting her heated glances. They used to love playing pool. She could never seem to line up her shot without his personal touch. His frequent looks promised more touching if only she would walk over to him. She fought off desire with tequila.

The longer the night went on, the drunker she got. She was dancing with a dock worker who apparently had a dozen or so hands when Jason reached his limit. He punched the son of a bitch and tossed Elizabeth over his shoulder. He left the bar with Emily's protests ringing in his ears. Hell would freeze over before he let some scumbag touch Elizabeth.

He tucked her into his truck and drove to his penthouse. She babbled undiscernibly while he carried her up to his home. Once inside, he headed straight for his bedroom. She was snoring before he laid her down. He carefully took off her clothes and covered her up.

She was right where she belonged and he soon joined her. It was the best sleep he'd had in nearly three months.

-gh-

The sun was trying to stab her in the eyes. She squeezed them shut as tightly as she could. Just that little bit of movement caused her stomach to rebel. Flinging the sheet off, she ran for the toilet. As she vomited, he held her hair out of the way. His tender care was worse than the hangover.

"Jason, please don't," she begged when she was finished.

He ignored her and wiped her face with a cool cloth. "I have to," he whispered, knowing noise would only make her feel worse.

He helped her stand and opened the medicine cabinet. All her things were still there and her heart ached at the sight. She grabbed her toothbrush and hurriedly cleaned her mouth. She closed the mirrored door and noticed for the first time that they were both naked. "Oh, no, we didn't…?"

Jason smirked. "What? Sex? You have a one track mind, Miss Webber."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Just tell me."

He placed his hand on her cheek. "No."

Her eyes flew open. "No?"

"No," he assured her. "Not yet."

Before she could reply, he was on her and it felt too good to stop him. Later, she thought, she would set him straight later.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: Many have asked how long this fic is. There is a chapter for each song from the Buffy episode, so 17 total. I have fifteen numbered chapters plus the prologue and epilogue. I am leaving on vacation Aug. 2 and this will be completely posted before I go (2 chapters on Sat and Sun, final chapter and epilogue next Thurs). Thanks for reading!

**_Chapter 6: The Parking Ticket_**

_I've been having a bad, bad day  
Come on won't you put that pad away?_

_I'm asking you, please, no!  
It isn't right, it isn't fair!  
There was no parking anywhere  
I think that hydrant wasn't there_

_Why can't you let it go?  
I think I've paid more than my share  
I'm just a poor girl, don't you care?  
Hey, I'm not wearing underwear..._

Elizabeth jerked the ticket off her windshield. She had been in the art supply store for five minutes and some over-eager meter maid ticketed her. It was a fitting end to a lousy day.

Jason was stalking her. Not in the creepy way Lucky used to or the threatening way Ric was but he was still stalking her. He watched and waited and stole kisses whenever she let her guard down. His hands were never still, always touching her face, her arm, her hips, and her back. He seemed to know whenever she was alone at the studio and used his key when she refused to answer. He never spoke until after he made love to her. Then he cajoled her and flirted and made it impossible to kick him out.

She was wearing down. His love was constant and nothing she said diminished it. And he knew it. He also knew she still loved him though she never admitted it.

She wasn't surprised to find him when she unlocked the studio. "I am so not in the mood right now."

He grinned. "I bet I can change that."

Elizabeth shrieked in frustration. "You wanna know what today has been like? I overslept for my shift at Kelly's and then had the grumpiest old man to ever enter a diner for my first customer. I went for a walk on my lunch break and broke a heel on some uneven sidewalk. Then I cut finger on a knife in the dishwater. Who the hell throws knives into sudsy water? Courtney, of course! That woman is a menace! I ran out of primer so I stopped by the store. There were no free parking spots but I thought, I know exactly where the primer is. I can be in and out in no time. Only it was enough time to get a ticket! Like I'd leave my car in front of that hydrant if the building was on fire!"

Jason smiled to himself as she ranted. "You need to unwind."

"Really? Brilliant deduction, Sherlock! Why don't you leave and I will!"

He shook his head. "I think you need my help." He swaggered over to her and took her belongings from her. After placing them on the table, he pushed her against the door and pressed his body into hers. "I know I need yours," he panted.

He was doing it again and she knew she should put up her usual resistance. Instead she grabbed his head in both hands and plunged her tongue into his mouth.

-gh-

Emily twirled her straw in her glass as she waited for Elizabeth to finish her tale of woe.

"And then I got a ticket! Geez, Sonny Corinthos walks free while the law catches up with me!"

Emily pounced. "Well, if Sonny were caught, Jason would be too. I know you don't want that."

Elizabeth rubbed her face with both hands. "I don't know what I want anymore, Em."

"Easy. You want Jason."

"It's not easy! I would have to tell him everything and he would kill Ric. He's wanted to for years!" Elizabeth's thoughts were never far from this core truth. Jason protected those he loved and he got rid of those who hurt his loved ones.

Em shrugged nonchalantly. "Diane's a great lawyer."

Liz gasped. "It's more than that! What do you think Sonny would do if Jason disobeyed him and killed his brother?"

"Sonny hates Ric, too, and once he knew the facts he would understand," Emily supplied.

Elizabeth had considered this. "He might but it would always be between them. It would always be between me and Jason too. He takes care of Sonny's problems but killing for me? I can't let him do that."

Emily hugged her friend. "We'll figure this out. I promise."

Elizabeth didn't believe her.

-gh-

It was practical yet underhanded, much like his seduction of his would-be girlfriend. Jason kept pouring the vodka and Nikolas kept drinking. Jason had one glass to every three of Nik's so his mind was still clear enough to pursue his goal.

"Did Emily tell you we're getting married?" Nik's voice was starting to slur so Jason slowed down his intake.

"Yeah. She's happy. Keep her that way," Jason warned.

"Absolutely!" Nik happily agreed.

"Elizabeth helping with the plans?" Jason turned the conversation.

Nik nodded and nearly fell off his chair. "Yes."

"She needs the distraction. You know, with what happened." Jason laid the trap.

Nik quirked an eyebrow. Even drunk, he remembered his promise. "No way in hell you know about that."

"You don't think she'd tell me?"

The prince scoffed. "Oh, she will. And when she does you'll kill the bastard. Since he's still walking and talking, I'm thinking you don't know a damn thing."

Jason sobered instantly. "Someone hurt Elizabeth?"

Nik realized he had said too much. His eyes bugged just before he passed out.

-gh-

Elizabeth was sitting on the bench watching the water when Ric strolled up. "Go away."

Ric reached over and rubbed her cheek but she turned away from him. "I ran into your friend. Emily, is it?" Getting no response, he continued. "She was a little rude, I hate to say. I get the impression you've been badmouthing me to her."

Furious, Elizabeth rose to walk away. "Leave her alone."

Ric grabbed her arm and pulled her to his chest. "Not so fast. If you talk, I will too. Then where will your precious Jason be? Pentonville!"

She stilled as the memories washed over her. "I haven't told him. You wouldn't be here if I did."

The lawyer eyed her thoughtfully and then kissed the corner of her mouth. "I wonder if he has as much faith in you as you have in him."

"What does that mean?" She fought the urge to run as her thoughts whirled around the man she loved. She could endure this to save Jason.

Ric released her. "I've thought of a way to hold him off. You don't want to send him to prison, do you?"

The sick feeling she always got near him consumed her and she felt helpless. "What are you planning?"

He laughed softly. "Oh, Elizabeth, it's simple. You convince everyone that you love me and then you marry me. He won't hurt you by making you a grieving widow."

"Hell will freeze over first!" she whispered and fled.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 7: Rest In Peace_**

_You're scared, ashamed of what you feel  
And you can't tell the ones you love  
You know they couldn't deal  
Whisper in a dead man's ear  
It doesn't make it real!_

Elizabeth retreated to her grandmother's for the next few days, knowing Jason wouldn't cross the older woman. She tolerated his presence for Elizabeth but one wrong move on his part would cause trouble for Liz. He never wanted that.

She knew she was being cowardly but Ric's disgusting proposition was fresh in her mind. After everything he did, he thought she would marry him? Not even to protect Jason!

Then again, if it really would keep Jason out of jail, if it was the only way, shouldn't she at least consider it? Was there a limit to what she would do to protect him? Ric was a dead man. He just didn't accept it yet. But what if the only way to save Jason was to save Ric as well?

"Elizabeth?"

She looked up to see her grandmother in her doorway. "Oh, Gram! Sorry I didn't hear you come home."

Audrey smiled. "You've certainly been distracted lately. Would you like to discuss it?"

Her beloved Gram had been her rock since her parents joined Doctors Without Borders. She and Sarah had been so young and their grandmother had filled the void their parents left. All her life, Gram was there but this burden was too great. "No. I love you but this one I need to figure out for myself."

"If you change your mind, darling, you know where to find me."

She got up and hugged her. 'Thanks, Gram. I do."

-gh-

Ric called and told her to meet him at his office. Elizabeth wanted to refuse but worried what he would do in retaliation. With her stomach in knots and her head pounding, she knocked on his door and entered at his command. That was the problem. He was calling all the shots and she was powerless to stop him.

"Have you come to your senses yet?"

Liz swallowed the bile rising in her throat. "I can't marry you."

The attorney leaned back in his chair. "Can't? Really? Jason's freedom means so little to you?"

The room was spinning and she couldn't catch her breath. "I need air."

Ric moved to touch her and she screamed at his touch. "Stop! I need to get out of here!" She ran out on him and raced to the launch. Emily was on Spoon Island and Elizabeth needed her desperately.

_Let me rest in peace  
Let me get some sleep  
Let me take my love and bury it  
In a hole six foot deep  
I can lay my body down  
But I can't find my sweet release...  
So let me rest in peace!_

Jason's mood got blacker each day Elizabeth hid from him. He could go to Audrey's but a fight wouldn't help. Audrey would be standing by Elizabeth as she once again threw him to the curb.

To be honest, his mood had been deteriorating for much longer than the last few days. Elizabeth had given her body to him but not her heart. He believed she still loved him but she held it back. His plan to seduce her into admitting they belonged together had resulted in lots of sex but no real reunion. He wasn't complaining about the lovemaking because it was fantastic but he wanted more. He wanted all of her.

He was staring out his office window when she ran past. He immediately got up and followed.

_I know I should go  
But I follow you like a man possessed  
There's a traitor here beneath my breast  
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed  
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest  
But I can see you're unimpressed  
So leave me be..._

"Elizabeth!"

She halted at his shout. Her shallow breaths and tears couldn't be stopped as easily as her feet.

"Elizabeth, what's wrong? Talk to me!" Jason demanded.

"I just need to see Em, okay? Just let me go," she begged.

He stepped back. Her rejection cut him like a knife. No matter what happened, she had to know he'd take care of her. "I need his name, Elizabeth. I want you to tell me what he did but you won't. I'm trying not to push. But I have to know who hurt you."

Every fear that whispered to her over the last months now roared in her ears. The very last thing she could do was tell him. "I'm sorry. I can't," she sobbed.

Jason took her in his arms as she cried. Each teardrop ripped him apart. He didn't understand why she wouldn't talk to him. For the first time in weeks, he doubted her love for him and realized that this might not work out. They might really be over.

-gh-

Elizabeth had regained her control and left without another word to Jason. She was shocked that he let her and wondered what that meant. Was he biding his time or letting go? Had she kept him at arm's length for so long that he gave up? Wasn't that what she wanted?

The ride to Wyndemere seemed to take less time than usual. Emily was on the terrace and hugged her tightly.

"I don't think things will ever be right again," Elizabeth confessed. "Jason, he, his eyes. I think he's had enough of me and my secrets and my hiding. And Ric won't leave me alone. He's using Jason's life to coerce me and I'm afraid I might have to do what he's asking. But if Jason doesn't love me anymore, then there's no reason he'd go after Ric and so I don't have to do it, right?"

Emily leaned her head to the right. "First off, Jason loves you. He always has and he always will. Jason Morgan can't exist without loving you. And whatever Ric wants, you cannot give in. Elizabeth, maybe it's time to talk to someone."

Elizabeth swiped at her tears. "I thought that's what I was doing!"

"I mean someone like Dr. Collins."

Liz dropped onto the chaise lounge. "You think I'm crazy?"

Emily sank down beside her. "No, I think you've suffered more than anyone should ever suffer and talking to a professional will help you."

Elizabeth read the sincerity in her friend's eyes. "Okay."


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 8: Dawn's Lament_**

_Does anybody even notice?  
Does anybody even care?_

Elizabeth felt like she was on display and hated it. It wasn't the man or even the environment. It was just that she had spent so much time pretending to be okay that admitting she wasn't even to a stranger was difficult.

Dr. Kevin Collins' office was decorated in soothing earth tones and Elizabeth felt at ease. Kevin's voice and obvious concern further relaxed her. "So, Elizabeth, start at the beginning. Take your time. Just tell me whatever you feel comfortable sharing."

Elizabeth took a breath. "A little over three months ago, my boyfriend had to leave town on business. The first couple of days, I noticed this other man hanging around more. This man, he hates Jason and he's always looking for ways to hurt him so I ignored him. He just kept showing up and it unnerved me. Now I know what he was planning and I keep thinking I should have seen it then. If I had called Sonny or Johnny or Francis, if I listened to that small warning voice inside me, nothing would have happened.

But I didn't. Instead I headed out to Vista Point one night after work. Jason and I used to go there and I was missing him. I thought I would feel closer to him and instead it was the worst thing I could have done. Ri…, the man, he followed me. It was late and there was no one else around. He cornered me and he, he," she gulped in air. "He was talking but I don't remember what he said. I just remember he tore my skirt and he held me so tight he left bruises on my arms and legs and, and breasts. He forced himself into me and it hurt so bad! And all the while he was talking but I was in too much pain to hear him. I wanted it over but he, when he finished, he shoved me down and lifted my shirt. He put his mouth on my chest and then he, he was in me again."

Kevin's heart broke and he placed a hand on her to anchor her to the present. "You're safe now. Take a moment. Breathe."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and continued. "I thought that was the worst he could do. I was wrong. He told me that it wasn't really about me, that Jason needed to pay. He said if I told Jason, Jason would kill him. And there's a letter. Ri…he said there's a letter describing what he did and why Jason would kill him. If he disappears, the letter will be sent and then Jason will end up in prison. I can't let that happen! But all I want is for Jason to know and to hold me and to help me get over this."

The doctor cleared his throat. "It's natural to want to rely on our loved ones at times like this but, Elizabeth, Jason can't do this for you. You are strong and you will heal. I think you should talk to Jason but look inside yourself for answers. It's not healthy to expect him to fix this. You aren't a broken dish that can be glued back together. You are a person and what happened will always be a part of you. It's up to you alone to decide how big a part."

She knew he was right but still felt weak. "The man, he's still around. He won't leave me alone. He's there at the diner every time I work. He knows which shops I like and follows me around. He doesn't usually say anything but he doesn't have to. One look and I'm back at Vista Point. He, he keeps touching me and he's even kissed me a few times. It's like he thinks, God, I don't know what he thinks! I just know I can't move forward while he's always in my face."

Kevin sighed. "That has to change. I know you don't want to involve the police but you should consider a restraining order." Knowing she was exhausted, he moved over to his desk. "Why don't we stop here and pick this up again in a couple of days. I have an opening at ten on Thursday."

Thankful for his understanding, Elizabeth made the appointment and left feeling like some of the weight was off her shoulders.

-gh-

"Have you thought about the restraining order?" Kevin asked.

Liz nodded. "I have but I'm not going to do it. Jason would find out. Sonny has contacts."

The doctor shifted in his seat. "Rape is about power and control. He took those from you. You need to reclaim them in some way. Pressing charges helps some women, support groups work for others. Keeping quiet never works. I know you're scared but maybe you're scared for the wrong reasons."

"I'm scared of Jason spending the rest of his life in prison. How is that a wrong reason?" she questioned.

Kevin relented some. "That's not, if it's the real reason."

Elizabeth squirmed. "What other reason could there be?"

"Sometimes when we have been victimized, we fear it will lessen us in the eyes of our loved ones. Make us seem dirty or unworthy." He could see his point hit home. "That's not true but then fear is rarely based on truth."

Elizabeth was quiet for a long time. "Yeah, I get that."

-gh-

"Do you think it's a mistake for me to, um, be intimate with someone?" Elizabeth asked, stumbling across the words.

Kevin studied her. "That depends. Have you tried?"

"More than tried. Jason and I, well, we have been together a few times. I shouldn't want that this soon, should I?"

"Before I answer that, could you tell me how it made you feel?"

She blushed a bright red. "Good. It made me feel good. While we were, um, you know, during the actual, uh, lovemaking, I wasn't thinking about the rape. It was just about me and Jason and it was good."

The doctor relaxed back into his chair. "Then I don't think it was a mistake. Elizabeth, seeking physical pleasure from someone you love is natural and at the right time can help with the healing process. How did you feel after the intimacy?"

"I was so close to telling Jason everything and that scared me. I'm trying to protect him and he doesn't understand."

"Because you haven't explained. He can't read your mind."

The patient stared at her hands. "Once I tell him, he'll do the very thing I fear most and I'll lose him forever."

The doctor placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You can't control his actions by withholding information. He loves you and deserves the truth."

Liz let a sigh of frustration. "He hates when other people make decisions for him."

"I think he will be too focused on your pain to be angry at you."

Elizabeth was confused. "I'm not sure that will be any better. I don't want him to pity me."

Dr. Collins shook his head. "I didn't say anything about pity. I know Jason; he will do everything in his power to help you but he won't pity you. He'll see your strength and your courage."

His words made sense and relief flooded her. "Thanks."

-gh-

Monday's session was even more positive. Elizabeth was ready to face the facts. "You said something about support groups. Do you think that would help me?"

Kevin smiled. "Yes, I do. You've kept this bottled up. Talking to me is only the first step toward healing. Meeting other women who have been through similar trials is another."

Liz cleared her throat. "How many steps are there?"

"As many as you need. You're an individual and so your recovery needs to be tailored to reflect that."

"Okay," she said. "I've been thinking about telling Jason. Not the man's identity but, you know, what happened. Emily and Nikolas have been great. Talking to you is helping. The group probably will too. But until I talk to Jason, Ri…the man who did this still holds all the power."

Kevin bit back another smile. His patient was stronger than she thought she was. She was moving forward already.


	10. Chapter 10

Note: So now you know. Elizabeth has been scared and confused. Like too many real-life victims, she's not thinking clearly and made some poor choices. Therapy and loved ones are going to help her find her strength again. Thanks for sticking this one out!

**_Chapter 9: What You Feel_**

_'Cause I know what you feel, girl  
I know just what you feel, girl_

The rape survivor support group met at Mercy Hospital on the third Tuesday of each month. Elizabeth nervously adjusted her top as she stood outside the door. Exhaling slowly, she reminded herself that these women would understand. They were healing and she could too.

Her eyes widened when they met her grandmother's. "Gram?"

Audrey's heart fell when her beloved granddaughter walked in. "Oh, Elizabeth, darling, is this what you've been hiding from me?"

With a sob, Liz threw herself into Audrey's arms. "Oh, Gram! I wish I'd told you!"

Audrey shushed her gently. "Don't, dear, please don't take any blame on yourself. I should have known. I should have recognized the signs."

The other group members gave them space to speak privately. Audrey produced a box of tissues and ushered Elizabeth over to some chairs. "Oh, darling, I know how you're hurting and I wish I could take it all away."

The young artist reached over and grasped her hands. "Gram, you're already making it better."

-gh-

Kevin looked his young patient over carefully. "You're doing great. But I think there's still something you're hiding."

Elizabeth stared out the window. "I think in a way he wanted me to tell Jason. I know that doesn't make any sense. Do you remember when I told you what he said, that it wasn't about me. Maybe he thinks that his brother will protect him. Maybe he wants his brother to choose him over Jason."

Dr. Collins rubbed his hands together as he thought. "Another reason you felt you had to keep this a secret."

"Yes," she admitted. "I was used, not just my body, but my existence. Being part of Jason's world means that there will always be danger but I feared things like kidnapping and gun shots. Not even in my worst nightmares did I imagine I would be raped as a way to drive a wedge between Sonny and Jason."

Kevin pressed his lips together as he gathered his thoughts. "Do you still want to be part of Jason's world?"

Elizabeth paused. The easy answer was yes. But it wasn't the complete answer. "I do but I'm scared about it. What if, what if something like this happens again? There are options, like guards and gates. I never wanted any of that but if that's the only way to be with Jason then I have to accept it."

He nodded. "You have a decision to make."

"Any suggestions?"

Kevin smiled. "Follow your heart, not your fears."

-gh-

For a week now Jason had poured all his energy into his work. The invoices were caught up, every last coffee bean had been accounted for, and the few enemies bold enough to stick their heads up had been dealt with. He was running out of things to keep busy with and starting to annoy those around him.

Sonny called him into his office. "Let's talk."

Jason held out his arms. "About what? The business has never been better."

"And you've never been worse. Come on, Jason, we've been working together for what, over three years now? I think I know you pretty well."

The enforcer turned his back on his friend. "I'm okay."

"I didn't think you lied," Sonny said. "When did that change?"

Jason punched the wall. "Damn it, Sonny! Let it go!"

"You need a break. Take some time. Ride your bike. Get over her," Sonny ordered.

Jason faced him. "It's not that easy."

Sonny moved his head back and to the side. "I know but whatever you're doing isn't working. Try something else. Or, hell, maybe someone else."

The idea of another woman sickened Jason. "That's not the answer."

The mob boss stood and walked around his desk. "So if you can't get over her, maybe it's time to get her back."

"Don't you think I've tried?"

Sonny shrugged. "Try harder."

Jason let that sink in. "That's not what she wants."

"Then I don't know what to tell you, man. Maybe you should leave town for a while. If you don't have to worry about running into her, maybe you could get some new perspective on the whole thing."

It sounded better than anything else he had come up with so Jason agreed.

-gh-

Elizabeth's mood was lighter as she met Emily at the bridal shop. Em noticed right away. "Okay, that's my best friend! Where have did you find her?"

Liz smiled and shook her head. "Right where you said she'd be – in therapy! Get this, my gram is the support group facilitator. She's been through this and having her beside me helps. She really understands and, I don't know, she recovered so it makes me hopeful that I will too."

Emily squealed, "Well, of course you will!" She hugged Liz briefly, not wanting to start the tears flowing. "Now, we only have about four hours until my shift at the hospital and there are about a thousand dresses here for our consideration. Brace yourself, girlfriend, we're going full-throttle wedding dress shopping!"

They oohed over many of the selections, laughed at a few and finally narrowed it down to two. Emily made an appointment to try them on the next day and they parted with much giggling.

-gh-

Nikolas chose Kelly's to check up on his friend. Emily kept him informed but he wanted to see for himself. He sat at the counter and Elizabeth regaled him with descriptions of hideous wedding gowns.

"And the bow! Good God, it was bigger than most elephants! And, honestly, who really wants a see-through wedding dress? Nothing screams love and romance and forever quite like a hooker dress!" Elizabeth went to refill a customer's coffee but soon came back. "Then there was this green one. Now, mind you, not a pale mint green. This thing more closely resembled something you'd find in the toilet when you have a hangover. Nik, Em held it up to her and had the audacity to ask if I was green with envy! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time."

Nik laughed along with her. "I'm glad. You needed it."

She patted his hand. "I did." Waving as the other customer left, she got serious. "I'm doing better. In fact, I'm doing so much better than I'm rethinking some of my recent decisions."

"Which ones might those be?" the prince asked.

"I'm going to tell Jason at least part of it. Or maybe all of it?" She wanted Nik's opinion before moving forward. Unlike Kevin, he knew all the parties involved. Unlike Gram and Emily, he wouldn't be too emotionally involved to withhold an honest answer.

"I think that it's about time."

"Really?" His nod helped strengthen her backbone. "Okay, then. I'm heading to the penthouse tonight."

Ric entered the diner at that moment. Before therapy, that would have challenged her resolve. Now it only hardened it. She was talking to Jason tonight.

The smarmy lawyer strolled over to the counter and ordered coffee. Nik scowled at him. Elizabeth kept a straight face. "Ric, Jason will know by morning. I suggest you find a nice, dark, faraway place to hide."

Ric looked unsettled. "I warned you…"

"And I'm telling you. Jason will be coming. I think your sense of self-preservation is too strong to sit back and wait to die. Run, Ric, run very fast."

-gh-

Dr. Collins was right. Confronting Ric was empowering, though Kevin had been referring to a courtroom setting. Elizabeth watched the clock drag for the rest of her shift. She waited on the few customers that came in that afternoon and spent the rest of the time cleaning. She was too excited to sit still.

Jason might not want her after everything but she couldn't let that stop her. He might kill Ric. He would kill Ric but she didn't want the details. Ignorance is bliss. Of course, having Jason's love was pretty blissful too. She went over her speech again and again, rearranging some phrases and choosing different words. It had to be perfect and it had to move him to take her back.

Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember the last time she had seen him. It was nine, no, ten days ago. She had cried in his arms. It wasn't like him to let something like that go. Unless he was fed up and decided he was done with her. Unless he no longer loved her.

Suddenly time flew and Courtney was there to relieve her. With shaking hands she untied her apron and clocked out. She wasn't going to back out but she was no longer looking forward to the conversation.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Chapter 10: Standing_**

_You keep pretending  
But you just can't hide  
I know I said that I'd be  
Standing by your side  
But I..._

Jason tossed his packed bag on the desk and headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water. The pool table stopped him. He could see her looking up from her shot and teasing him. She usually lost the game but never her good humor. The few times she won she celebrated with abandon. In fact, they normally celebrated right there on the green felt. The ache of losing her was only getting harder to bear.

The knock was unexpected and Jason hoped it wasn't Carly. He opened the door warily and caught his breath when he saw Elizabeth.

"Can I come in?"

He nodded but couldn't speak.

Elizabeth swallowed and stepped over to the couch before turning to face him. The duffle bag on the desk drew her attention. "Am I interrupting? 'Cause if I am then this can wait until you get back. I know you need to keep your focus to do your job and I wouldn't want to interfere. So, yeah, I'll talk to you when you get back." She tried to brush past him but his hand caught hers. He let go quickly as if it burned.

"I'm not coming back."

She stared at the bag, trying to figure out what that meant. "You mean you're leaving. You're moving."

Jason wished she'd look at him. "Yeah. So are you."

Elizabeth bit her lip. "Um, right, yes, that's the plan." She needed to get out of here.

_Wish I could stay  
Your stalwart standing fast  
But I'm standing in the way  
I'm just standing in the way_

She was fighting tears and he wasn't sure why. "Elizabeth?"

"You know, this was just dumb. I'm sorry for bothering you." She moved to leave and again he stopped her.

"Why did you come?" he asked. If she had changed her mind, if she still loved him, he had to know.

She ran a hand over her forehead and then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't think it matters now. I, uh, I should go."

Jason slammed the door shut when she made another move toward it. "Talk to me," he demanded.

Feeling trapped, she walked over to the pool table to gather her thoughts. "How about one last game?"

"Damn it, Elizabeth! Quit jerking me around!"

"Okay, you want it? You got it! I was raped! I was raped and you were gone and the bastard threatened me if I told you!" She saw the horror on his face but was too wound up to soften the blow. "He hurt me! He put his filthy hands all over me! And he, he raped me! Twice! You were off protecting Sonny and I was the one who needed your protection! Jason, I needed you more than Sonny ever could!" She sank to the floor crying. Therapy had not prepared her for her anger at him. She felt like a monster for blaming him.

Jason was unable to move. This was why she no longer loved him. He left her vulnerable and alone. No wonder she hated him. He hated himself. His self-loathing increased as he recounted the past few weeks. He had used sex to manipulate her. She had been raped and he tried to fix it by screwing her. He leaned over the trash can and heaved his lunch. He was despicable. There was only one thing that could make this worse. "Was it one of my enemies?"

She lifted her head to meet his gaze. "Yes."

Jason threw up again.

-gh-

Hours later they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. They had not spoken again but her crying and his nausea had receded.

Elizabeth broke the silence. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. He said things, he made threats against you and I thought if I kept quiet I could somehow keep him from hurting you."

Jason ran a hand across his face. "He hurt you which meant he hurt me. What did he threaten you with?"

She blew out slowly. "He said that you would kill him and that he had prepared evidence to be sent to the police if he died or even went missing. He said you would go to prison. I couldn't risk that, Jason. I couldn't be the reason you went to jail."

He thought that over. "It wouldn't have happened. He was lying to you."

"I don't know that! You don't either!"

"Elizabeth, Sonny wouldn't let that happen."

She turned sideways to face him. "Oh, really? What if killing my attacker went directly against Sonny's orders? Would he still get you off?"

Jason knew then who it was. "Ric," he groaned.

"Yes, Ric," she affirmed. "He hates you and he knew exactly what he was doing. He's still…"

Jason's head swerved toward her. "Still what?"

Elizabeth moved closer, needing contact with him. "He wants me to marry him. He said if you think I love him that you won't kill him."

Jason jerked away. "He raped you and then asked you to marry him?!" he roared. "Damn it!" He kicked the end table over and then grabbed the desk chair. It fell apart when he threw it at the closet door.

Elizabeth watched as his rage exploded. "I told him to start running from you."

Her words registered and he calmed down. "You threatened him?"

"It took some therapy and Nikolas being there helped but, yeah, I threatened him," she admitted.

Jason wasn't sure how to take that. On one hand, he was proud of her and humbled by her faith in him. On the other, he hated that she had been pushed hard enough to bring on that reaction. "I don't know what to say."

"That makes two of us." Elizabeth's eyes fell back on the duffle bag. "I mean, I had a plan, a really great speech but it doesn't matter now."

"Why not?"

She gestured to the bag. "It's too late."


	12. Chapter 12

**_Chapter 11: Reprise_**

_And it'll grieve me  
'Cause I love you so  
But we both know..._

"What were you going to say?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "It will only make this harder."

Jason looked up in disbelief. "It can't get any harder."

She stood and moved over to the fireplace. "I was going to apologize for shutting you out. I was going to try to convince to leave Ric alone. I had this silly idea that maybe we could still…"

"Ric has to pay. You know that." He couldn't back down on this.

Elizabeth whirled around. "Is that part of the mafia code? An eye for an eye deal? What if what I want more than revenge, more than anything is for Ric to live a long, miserable life knowing that he couldn't beat us?"

_But I must do  
what I must  
I can't adjust to this disgust  
We're done and I just  
Wish I could stay  
Wish I could stay  
Wish I could stay  
Wish I could stay_

Jason threw up his hands. "Ric will never stop trying to hurt us! Hell, Elizabeth, he already beat us! We're not together!"

"Then let's be together! Let's show him that he didn't win!"

Jason was flabbergasted. "You want to get back together as a way to get revenge against Ric?"

Put that way, she backed down. "No."

He sighed and braced his hands on the desk. "Tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it, anything except spare that asshole's life."

"I think that's my answer." Elizabeth wanted his love for her to outweigh his hatred for Ric. It obviously didn't.

She walked out of his penthouse and out of his life. Jason banged his hands down so hard on the desk that it cracked.

-gh-

Elizabeth rode the launch to Wyndemere and sought out her friend. Emily took one look at her and wrapped her up a tight embrace.

Elizabeth didn't cry. She was empty inside. "I told him. He's going to kill Ric and then leave town. We're over. For good this time."

Emily was floored. "Why the hell aren't you leaving with him?"

"What?"

"You heard me. If Jason's going into hiding, why are staying here?"

Elizabeth corrected her friend. "He's not hiding. He was leaving before I told him."

Em frowned. "That makes no sense. You told him you still love him. That changes everything!"

The artist bit her lip. "I'm not sure I actually told him that."

Emily slapped her arm. "Are you kidding me? Geez, Elizabeth, pull your head out of your butt and go get your guy before it's too late!"

"He doesn't want me! He was leaving without even saying good-bye!" Elizabeth began pacing the den. "And you know what? Let him! I screwed up big time, I know that, but so has he! Ric used me to hurt him! Carly never leaves Sonny's penthouse without a guard but Jason never even thought I might be in danger!" She paused long enough to kick the ottoman. "If I'm important to him, he has a lousy way of showing it!"

Emily crossed her arms. "Don't stand there and rewrite history! You refused to allow a guard. Remember when he tried to put one on you anyway? You pouted for over a week and he gave in!"

"Don't bring reason into this!"

Nik walked in, looked at them, and walked back out. They didn't notice.

Emily fired back at her. "You still think Jason should have prevented this? He's only human!"

Elizabeth blushed with guilt. "I don't know, okay? I just don't know!"

"Jason loves you. What more do you need to know?"

Elizabeth fell onto the sofa. "Oh my word, Em, you're right. All this resentment I've been holding against Jason is wrong. I'm the only one to blame for this mess."

Emily sat down and put an arm around her shoulders. "You had a small error in judgment. Ric is the villain here."

"I asked him not to kill Ric," she explained.

"You're kidding? Elizabeth, this is who he is. You're asking him to stop being Jason."

She was. She had never allowed what he did to influence how she saw him. He did his job and then he came home to her. While this was certainly personal, it didn't change his reaction. She was asking him to be something less than the man she loved so much. "I need to go apologize," Elizabeth announced. "And I need to do it soon or he'll be gone."

Emily picked up her phone as her friend ran out. She should probably leave them to work things out on their own but they weren't exactly thinking clearly. She could nudge things a little.

Jason answered with a grunt. She couldn't help smiling. "Hello to you, too, my favorite brother!"

"Emily, it's not a good time."

"It's the perfect time, Jase. Elizabeth just left here." When he didn't speak, she rolled her eyes. Typical. "She came to some realizations and I think you should hear them."

"Okay. Tell me."

He at least sounded interested but she wasn't going to give too much away. "Not mine to spill but she's willing to talk. She left here to look for you. I think you should make yourself available."

"Emily, this isn't a game."

"No, it's not. Jase, this is your chance and you may not get another. Don't blow it." She hung up and found herself facing her indignant fiancé.

"Why are you interfering?" he asked.

"Because they're big dummies and need my help."

Nik raised an eyebrow. "And?"

Emily sighed. "And I want them to work this out. Nikolas, other than us, I can't think of a couple more in love than Jason and Elizabeth. They should be as happy as we are."

He gave in and kissed her forehead. "You are such a romantic."

"It's one of my charms."

Nik ran his eyes down her body slowly. "You have many, many charms. How about showing off more of them?"

Emily backed toward the sofa. "I will if you will."

"I always loved show and tell."

She unbuttoned her blouse. "I prefer show and do." And they did.

-gh-

Audrey was getting ready for bed when Elizabeth rushed in. "Gram! I just need something from my room, okay?" The young woman was up the stairs before giving her a chance to reply. She flew back down and out the door with a leather jacket over her arm. Audrey recognized Jason's first gift and smiled. Elizabeth's life was finally working out and not even Jason's profession could dampen her joy for her granddaughter.


	13. Chapter 13

**_Chapter 12: Walk Through the Fire_**

_I touch the fire  
And it freezes me  
I look into it and it's black  
Why can't I feel?  
My skin should crack and peel  
I want the fire back!_

Elizabeth knocked at the penthouse door for five minutes without getting an answer. He was already gone. Sure he wouldn't leave without killing Ric, she decided to head to the lawyer's house. Jason would be furious but she couldn't risk him leaving Port Charles without knowing she still loved and wanted him. Wearing the jacket he had given her made her feel safe and hopeful. Making sure her mace was in her pocket and ready for anything Ric might try, she headed into the lion's den.

Ric's smile when he opened the door oozed slime. She fought her revulsion. "Elizabeth, baby, I knew you'd come to your senses."

She slapped him. "I did and I'm waiting here for Jason. Keep your hands to yourself, Ric. You don't want to make him any angrier."

He was thoughtful but stepped aside to let her in. Banking on the fact that Jason wouldn't do anything in front of her, he started plotting his next step. Sonny was too devoted to their mother to stand back and let Jason kill him. He needed to distract Elizabeth so he could call his brother.

Elizabeth ignored him and paced behind the couch. For so many weeks, her emotions had been frozen but tonight they all came blazing back to life. She wasn't afraid of the sick bastard sitting by the fire anymore. She wasn't even too concerned about his fate. She just wanted to hold Jason and rekindle their relationship. Once she got his promise to return to the penthouse and talk, she'd leave him to do what he had to. She didn't like it but she wouldn't ask him to change for her.

_So one by one  
they turn from me  
I guess my friends  
can't face the cold_

Jason stood absolutely still while Sonny processed what Ric had done. "And Elizabeth? She's getting help?"

"Yes."

"Good," Sonny said. "Take care of her."

Jason clenched his fists. "First I'm going to take care of Ric."

"No."

"Sonny, this isn't business and I'm not asking your permission! He touched her! He hurt her! Hell, he's still hurting her!" Jason shouted. "If it were Carly, would you let it go?"

"Yes! I would! He's my brother! My mother's son!" Sonny lost control and threw a water pitcher in the fireplace. "He's family and that counts for something!"

Jason got in his face. "He's not my family. Elizabeth is and I'm going to do what I have to." His voice was empty of all emotion now as he settled into enforcer mode. "If you try to stop me, if you warn him, I will not forgive you."

Sonny watched his best friend leave. He picked up the phone but sat it back down slowly. He hoped his mother would understand. He was placing his brother by choice over his brother by blood.

_Everything is turning out so dark_

Jason thought back to Emily's call. Finding Elizabeth would have to wait. First he had to make the world safe for her again and that meant destroying Ric. He slipped through the bastard's neighborhood without drawing attention to himself and entered the house by the back door. Drawing his gun, he silently slipped down the hall and into the living room.

"We were starting to think you got lost," Ric greeted him.

Only then did Jason look around and see Elizabeth standing by the stairs. "What are you doing here?"

He wasn't happy to see her and she didn't like the expression in his eyes. "Waiting for you," she admitted.

Ric watched them, happy to see the awkwardness between them. He could use that. "Waiting with me," he said with a grin.

Elizabeth sucked in a shocked breath. Jason's gun had dipped slightly but now rose to point at Ric's chest. "Anything you say now will only make your death last longer."

Ric's grin was as steady as Jason's arm. "I'll take my chances. Elizabeth and I have so much to talk about."

She found her voice. "Jason, look, I get it now. I really do. And I'll leave if you promise one thing."

Unwilling to hear her beg for Ric's life, he scowled. "No."

Ric laughed. "This is priceless! You would rather kill me than keep her." He stepped toward her. "You should rethink my proposal. I promise…"

Jason cut him off by shooting him in the foot. Ric screamed and fell while Elizabeth's mouth dropped. "Leave now, Elizabeth. I don't want you to see this."

Forcing herself to look at Jason and not the man wailing on the carpet, she took in his utter calm. This was the enforcer in action and she now understood why he kept that part of him hidden from her. She should be terrified but other images of Jason fought for prominence – his face when she told him she loved him, his tenderness when they made love, his joy when they rode his bike, his laughter when she teased him. The killer was only a part of him, just like her rape was only a part of her. These things didn't define them.

"Get out, Elizabeth," Jason ordered again.

She didn't walk to the door. Instead she crossed to him and kissed his cheek. "I'll be waiting at your place," she promised and then obeyed him.

Jason watched her leave. He was stunned and spent a few seconds pondering what she meant. Ric took advantage of his distraction to reach for his phone. Jason stepped over and smashed it with his boot. He knocked his enemy unconscious with a blow to the back of the head and carried him out the back door. Not one of the neighbors saw or heard anything.

-gh-

Elizabeth wanted to wait at the penthouse but needed company more. She called Nik and he sent the launch for her despite the late hour. One look at her friends was enough to tell her she was interrupting. "Sorry. Um, you know what? I can go."

Emily waved off her concerns. "You are staying. We can do the whole afterglow thing another time."

Nik and Elizabeth both blushed but Em didn't seem at all embarrassed. Nik decided flight was his best option and headed for the bedroom. He swore the girls' laughter chased after him.

When the moment of mirth passed, Elizabeth began crying. "Oh, Em, I saw a side of Jason tonight that scares me. He was so cold, so unfeeling."

Emily pressed her lips together as she pondered the best response. "I think he has to be that way. I mean, if he couldn't shut off his emotions, then he couldn't do his job."

The artist then asked the question that was really bothering her. "Do you think, um, is it possible that he might one day look at me that way? I mean, I've been pushing him away for months and if this is he how deals, if shutting down is what he does, I guess that explains why he's leaving."

Emily put her hands on her best friend's shoulders. "You listen to me and listen well. Jason doesn't think the way we do. His mind separates things and that's what you saw tonight. But his love for you? That's not something he can just shove aside. His work is just that: work. He does what he has to and then he lets it go. He can't do that with you. He may have been leaving Port Charles but I would bet everything Nikolas and I both own on him coming back. He loves you too much and he would never be able to stay away long."

Elizabeth nodded. "I hope you're right," she prayed. "I need to be at the penthouse when he comes back."

"Yes you do."


	14. Chapter 14

Note: Ric's death is not pleasant. If you are squeamish, you may want to skip the first section. For those of you reviewers who have been begging for his blood, here it is!

**_Chapter 13: Something to Sing About_**

_Life's a show  
And we all play our parts  
And when the music starts  
We open up our hearts_

Jason sat on the chair in the safe house listening to Ric's pleading. He had already confessed every single thing he did to Elizabeth, starting with the rape and ending with the kiss and proposal. The lawyer had been trying to make a deal to save his life for a while now but it was useless. Sonny wasn't coming.

Ric was a bloody mess. In addition to the shot in his foot, he had broken kneecaps from the baseball bat, a broken jaw from the pipe wrench, missing fingernails from the power sander, cut nostrils from the garden shears, and shallow stab wounds along his abdomen from the ice pick.

Jason was amused that Ric had spilled it all without being asked a single question. In fact, Jason hadn't spoken since Elizabeth left. His mind went back to her words and that sweet kiss. She knew what he was doing and she was still waiting for him. He wasn't sure what that meant and couldn't wait to ask her.

Ric mumbled something but he was no longer able to form coherent speech. Jason's nose scrunched as an unpleasant aroma filled the room. Ric had lost control of his bowels. While there were still many things Jason wanted to do, the lure of Elizabeth was irresistible. He pulled his gun and fired a single shot into Ric's forehead. Then he called Marco to come clean up the mess.

_It's all right  
If some things come out wrong  
We'll sing a happy song  
And you can sing along_

Elizabeth banked a fire and stared at it for hours as the sun rose and she waited. Jason was slowly killing Ric. All the times he left to take care of business, she had known what he was doing but it all seemed abstract. This was much more real to her and she needed to be okay before he returned.

He was killing Ric for her. It wasn't what she wanted; it was what Jason needed. If she couldn't accept that, then they had no future and she desperately wanted a life with him. She couldn't love pieces of him; she had to be able to love his entire being. It's not as if she was perfect. They could love each other completely, knowing that the strength of one balanced the weakness of the other.

He was killing Ric for her. She wanted Ric to pay. She wanted him to suffer for the rest of his life. She had blown her chance by not going to the police. She should have trusted Jason and Sonny to counter whatever stunt Ric planned but she had been so scared. Therapy helped her realize that being victimized clouded her judgment. Her sessions with Dr. Collins and meetings with the group also helped her see that things got better. She was better and would continue to improve.

He was killing Ric for her. And she was okay. Because one day soon, they would be happy again.

_Life's a song  
You don't get to rehearse  
And every single verse  
Can make it that much worse_

Jason stopped at another safe house to shower and change. As the water washed away the blood, he faced the truth for the first time.

He was a monster. The crash that created Jason Morgan destroyed him as well. He would never deserve Elizabeth and last night proved it. She was the one Ric hurt and she should have been the one to determine his fate. Jason took that choice from her and selfishly put his vengeance over her wishes.

She was too kindhearted to hold it against him. She loved and forgave more than anyone else he knew. She would take him back and he wanted to let her. But it wouldn't last. He would always know that he hadn't loved her enough when it mattered.

Elizabeth was light and laughter and life. She deserved a man who could give her all that and Jason wasn't that man.

_All the joy life sends  
Family and friends  
All the twists and bends  
Knowing that it ends  
Well that depends..._

The fire died and Elizabeth still stared into the ashes. Jason slipped in the door unnoticed and absorbed the feeling of having her here. It would end all too soon.

She ran a hand through her hair and moved to stand. Jason might be hungry and she should put together a couple of sandwiches just in case. She was on her feet before she saw him. "Hi."

"Hi."

_So, give me something to sing about, please give me something_

"Um, I was going to make some lunch," she said. "Hope you don't mind turkey and Swiss on wheat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Oh, okay. Well, honestly, neither am I." Elizabeth wasn't sure what words would break the ice. She was the rambler, the one who could always fill conversational voids. This time, though, she needed a hint. Emily might be sure he still loved her but she wasn't convinced.

Jason took her silence as proof of her disgust with his actions. She was here to break his heart again. He couldn't take it. "You should go."

That didn't help her at all. Did he want her gone because he no longer cared or because he was as scared as she was? She couldn't read his face and that worried her. No matter how often she heard him referred to as Morg the Borg, he always let her see what he was feeling. "Why?"

"Why?" he asked. "Because it's over, Elizabeth. Ric's dead, you're safe, and it's time to put all this behind us."

"This?"

Jason's eyebrows lowered. "This. The, the rape," he almost couldn't get the hated word out. "Us."

Elizabeth's stomach clenched. "Okay, you're right. I'm healing and Ric's gone so it's time to move forward." She licked her lips. "But I hoped we could do that together."

He walked over to her and placed a hand on her cheek. "No, we can't. I'm sorry," he whispered as he kissed her forehead. He turned and grabbed the duffle from his desk before leaving.

Elizabeth dropped to the couch and cried for hours. She didn't understand how love like theirs could fail so badly.

Jason made it to the parking garage before breaking down. Ducking into a storage room, he sobbed as he said goodbye in his heart to the one who would always hold it.

_Life's not a song_

_Life isn't bliss_

_Life is just this: it's living_

_You'll get along_

_The pain that you feel_

_You only can heal by living_

_You have to go on living_


	15. Chapter 15

Note: Once upon a time, there was a boy who was good and decent and loving. He was lost in a fire but every so often I like to pretend he still exists.

**_Chapter 14: What You Feel_**

_All those secrets  
You've been concealing  
Say you're happy now  
Once more, with feeling_

Elizabeth went through the next few weeks on auto-pilot. Sonny covered Ric's disappearance and, much as Jason had presumed, no incriminating letter ever surfaced. All those fearful weeks were for nothing. Losing Jason was all for nothing.

Elizabeth didn't surface either. She worked. She went to therapy and group sessions. She ate. She slept. She was existing only because she didn't know what else to do. Despite having broken up months ago, she was only now realizing what it meant. A future without Jason was meaningless. Moving to New York to pursue her art was out of the question. She could no longer paint. She didn't even want to try.

She was refilling the salt shakers when Lucky walked in. "Hey."

Lucky immediately noted the changes in his friend. Her eyes were dull and she had lost more weight. "Hey, yourself. Slow day?" he asked gesturing to all the empty tables.

"Yeah."

When she didn't elaborate, his concern skyrocketed. Liz always went into details. "I came back early to plan Nik's bachelor party. I'm thinking of going all out. Strippers, booze, porn…Nik's sort of thing."

Elizabeth almost smiled. "Sounds more like your dad than Nik."

Lucky shrugged. "Okay, so it's actually going to be fine liquor, cigars, and cards. But don't tell Em. I'm only getting this one chance to make her squirm."

"That's bad, Lucky. She's getting married in four days. She doesn't need the added stress."

Luke Spencer's son knew a great opening when he got it. "I think you're the one who's stressed. Wanna talk about it?"

Elizabeth carefully screwed the lid back on the last shaker. "No."

"Tough 'cause I do. Elizabeth, Nik told me about Ric." He walked behind the counter and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry."

Lucky's embrace opened up a well-spring deep inside her. "Oh, Lucky! You have no idea. And it's not just about what Ric did. That was awful and it still hurts but I could handle it if Jason…" She couldn't go on.

"If Jason were supporting you," he supplied. He stroked her back as she wept on his shoulder. All their lives the four musketeers stuck together. Knowing that she kept all this from him hurt but he couldn't find it in him to be resentful. It wasn't about him. She needed his friendship and she had it. "What can I do?"

She finally smiled at him. "You're doing it, just like you always have."

He kissed her temple. "Anytime, Elizabeth, anytime."

-gh-

The bachelorette party was held in the Quartermaine guest cottage. Several friends from PCU and the hospital came and Emily good-naturedly accepted the lingerie and the teasing. The penis-shaped cake was a hit and so was the karaoke machine. The tequila probably helped quite a bit.

Elizabeth didn't drink and she refused to even look at the cake. She wasn't a prude but that cake stirred up mixed emotions. Ric was not far from her thoughts and she hated him for it. More importantly that cake and this party represented things she would never have, things she didn't even want without Jason.

Em joined her in the corner. "You can go. Maid of honor or not, it won't hurt my feelings."

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth bit her lip. "I'm the worst maid of honor ever."

"Nonsense!" her loyal friend disputed. "You are the greatest! I wouldn't settle for less!" She hugged Liz briefly. "Go home and get some rest. Tomorrow my dreams come true. And as soon as I get back from my honeymoon, we're gonna get to work on yours."

Elizabeth smiled grimly. She didn't have any dreams left but that wasn't something you confessed to an excited bride.

-gh-

Elizabeth went to the docks. Sitting on their bench, staring out at the water as they had done so many times, she allowed herself to feel for the first time since leaving the penthouse. She didn't cry but the emotions rolled over her. The past few weeks had been a roller coaster and she just wanted off. Planning Emily's wedding while losing Jason was beyond hard. Em had offered to postpone but Elizabeth wouldn't hear of it. Now that it was so close, she almost wished she had. Jason would be there and she wasn't ready to see him.

The thought no sooner crossed her mind than the man walked into view. "Um, sorry," he apologized as he turned away.

"Wait!"

Jason wanted to ignore her. He hadn't planned on seeing her. He promised Emily that he would be at her wedding and that was his limit. It was going to be incredibly painful to sit in that church while Emily made promises to Nik that Jason had always thought Elizabeth would one day make to him. It would be harder still to see Elizabeth standing at the front beside Emily and know that one day they would switch places and another man got what he wanted. He had no plans of spending time with Elizabeth, especially not alone in a spot with so many memories.

While he stood indecisively, Elizabeth had been moving. She was at his side and her hand was reaching toward him when he jumped back. Her eyes flashed her pain at being rejected and he almost reached for her. "Damn it, Elizabeth. This is just too hard."

A single tear slid down her cheek. "It is. I'm sorry."

Her apology snapped his control. He was angry with himself and with her for the end of their relationship. He let her go but she had cut him out long before that. Now she stood here looking so vulnerable and yet still so beautiful and all he wanted was to protect her. He took her in his arms and kissed her hard. She gasped and his tongue slid into her mouth. One second it was his rage flaring and then it was their desire. Their bodies strained together and their hearts raced. Hands slid under clothing and caressed hot skin.

When they broke for air, she took his hand and led him up to her studio. The short walk should have cleared his head so he wouldn't make another mistake with her. Instead it incited his need to have her.

They made love over and over again throughout the night. They knew which touches brought out the greatest pleasure and used that knowledge to create perfection.

Both wrongly felt no words were necessary. Elizabeth was welcoming him back into her life. Jason was saying a last goodbye.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Chapter 15: Where Do We Go From Here?_**

_Where do we go from here?_

_Why is the path unclear  
When we know home is near?_

The ceremony was perfect and Elizabeth managed to hold in her tears. She never once looked at Jason. She got the message loud and clear when she woke alone this morning. She should've let him walk off last night. She was a fool for thinking he still loved her. She offered her body and he took it. End of story.

Jason didn't see Emily. He couldn't look away from Elizabeth. Leaving her this morning had been tougher than walking out of his penthouse that last time. He had stood outside her door, covered in her scent, and tried to think of a way to keep her. It wasn't about the sex. Okay, it wasn't just about the sex. He wanted to worship her in every way. Coming back had been a mistake. It was too soon. He was still too much in love with her to resist the urge to be with her. It wouldn't change the outcome though. One day she would hate him for tying her to a murderer.

Lucky stood by his brother but watched Elizabeth out of the corner of his eye. Something had happened and it undoubtedly was related to the blond enforcer on the back row. Determining to speak to Jason at the reception, he caught Elizabeth's eye and winked. She smiled softly and looked back to the preacher. He knew Sarah was going to hate that she couldn't get out clinicals for this.

Jason saw it and frowned. Lucky had carried a small torch for Elizabeth over the years but she had never returned or even encouraged his feelings. Had something changed? He didn't see Sarah and his jealousy grew. It astonished him that she could move on so soon.

-gh-

Jason endured the dinner at Wyndemere by listening to Carly's running commentary on the wedding. Having had more than a couple of her own, she was a bit of an expert. She only needed an occasional nod from him so he was free to worry about Lucky and Elizabeth.

After Nik and Emily's first dance, others joined them. Elizabeth was with Lucky and she was smiling up at the loser. Lucky was holding her closer than seemly and his left hand was far too low on her back. They looked intimate and last night was too fresh for Jason to think straight.

He didn't hear Emily until she said his name the third time. Carly laughed at him and he agreed to dance with his sister so that he could get away from his friend's teasing. Emily led him over to Lucky and Elizabeth before he could see her intent. He frowned and she grinned. His bratty sibling knew exactly what she was doing.

Apparently so did Lucky. "Hey, Jason! I haven't danced with the bride yet. Do you mind?" he asked holding out Elizabeth's hand like an offering.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Um, it's okay. I think I'll sit this one out."

Jason's mind was racing and he questioned his earlier deduction. There was no way Lucky would hand Elizabeth over for a dance with him of all people if they were together. The man he never respected was giving him a chance. Jason took it. "I'd like to dance with you, Elizabeth."

Lucky and Emily drifted away. Elizabeth wasn't sure she heard him right. "You hate to dance."

"Not with you," he said as held out his hand.

Unable to resist, knowing it would hurt when he walked away, she stepped into his arms and swayed to the music. Their bodies moved in sync while their hearts struggled.

Elizabeth wanted another chance yet refused to humiliate herself again. She decided to enjoy this last gift. When he left, she could linger over it and remember that he had loved her once.

Jason drew her closer and whispered in her ear. "Come out on the balcony with me."

She could only nod. He gripped her hand as they made their way through the crowd. Another gift and even more pain awaited her and still she couldn't tell him no.

He made sure the door was closed firmly behind them and then leaned against the wall. "How are you?"

Elizabeth choked. "How am I? I'm fine," she lied.

He called her on it. "You're not."

Her foot tapped angrily on the stone floor. "No, I'm not. Jason, you can't keep doing this to me!" His mouth opened and she waved a hand to cut him off. "No, I get to speak. I love you. I'll do anything you ask. I'll have sex with you and dance with you and follow you out to secluded balconies. And you know it! You use me to satisfy whatever itch needs scratching and then you can shut if off and walk away. I can't! I mean, I get it. I really do. I'm good for sex and nothing else. So let's go." She reached up to unzip her dress. "Fuck me, Jason, and get it over with so I can crawl home and try to find some self-respect!"

He was horrified at her speech and frozen in place as her dress fell. Only when he felt her hand slipping inside his slacks did he move. "Stop!"

Elizabeth backed off and put a hand over her mouth to hold off crying.

Jason took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. He picked up her dress and draped an arm around her shoulders. He then walked her around the balcony and into the study at the opposite end from the ballroom. She sat on the floor while he started up the fire. He needed some time to gather his thoughts.

Elizabeth fingered the edge of the suit coat. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"I think I did. I've treated you badly, Elizabeth, and I'm sorry." Jason sat beside her and stretched his arm across the cushions. "I used sex to try to get you back and even last night all I wanted was to make love to you before losing you for good. What happened to you was my fault and I've made things worse every step of the way. You deserve so much more than I can ever give you. You've suffered too much because of me and my life. I should let you go."

She sniffed and looked at him. "Do you want to?"

"No," he admitted with a sigh.

Elizabeth placed her hand on his knee. "Then we need to talk." He nodded and she continued. "I love you. I'm sorry I didn't come to you right away after, after Ric raped me. You were out of town and I should have told Sonny I needed you. Because I did. I needed you so much. But I was hurt and confused and Ric manipulated me. I shouldn't have let him."

Jason leaned his head close. "Shhh. Ric was a piece of shit and you were scared. I don't like that you shut me out but I understand."

She took a deep breath because what she had to say next was harder. "Thank you. Jason, I'm sorry I ruined us. I'm more sorry than you will ever know that I destroyed your love for me."

"Do you really think I don't love you anymore?" he asked incredulously. "Elizabeth, that's just not possible. I will love you until the day I die."

Elizabeth turned to face him. "Wait. If you can forgive me and if you still love me, then why won't you give me another chance?"

"I didn't think you wanted it. I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me for what I did to Ric."

She stared at him open-mouthed. "Wow. And here I thought I made myself clear."

Jason touched her chin lightly. "You said all the right things. But one day you'll look at me and see what I really am."

Elizabeth put her hands on the sides of his face. "I do see you! You are the one person who makes me feel safe and free. Yes, you do what it takes to protect those you love but that doesn't make you a bad man. It's what makes you such a good one. I love you, Jason, all of you and I don't want to live another minute without you."

"Elizabeth..."

"Jason, I've seen the ugly of your world. It almost destroyed me. But don't you see? I survived, we survived! There's nothing that your business or life in general can throw at us now that we can't face. We can be stronger and love better than before." She kissed his mouth softly. "We can, Jason, but only if you want it too."

He could see the truth in her eyes. "God, I love you!" he groaned out as he crashed his lips onto hers.

_When do the trumpets cheer?  
The curtains close  
On a kiss, God knows  
We can tell the end is near_


	17. Chapter 17

**_Epilogue: Coda_**

_You can make  
me feel..._

Elizabeth put her paintbrush down and admired the finished work. She didn't always love what she produced but this was special. It had taken her nearly a month to capture the moment. She kept at it because she wanted this painting to hang in their home, a permanent reminder of their happiness.

Jason entered the breakfast nook turned studio and stared at the canvas. He thought it might be a planet but hadn't asked. He enjoyed her total absorption as it gave him lots of time for his own obsession. She painted. He watched. When she put the brushes away, he pounced. They were both happy.

"It's finished. Take a guess," she encouraged.

He scratched his cheek as he studied it. "It's round."

"Yes, it is. But what do you think it is?" she prodded.

"You know I'm no good at this."

Elizabeth grinned. "I know. It's pretty much the only thing you don't do perfectly."

He rolled his eyes. "Is it a beach ball?"

She choked back laughter. "Really? That's your best guess?"

He shrugged. "Yep."

She motioned him to come closer. "Okay, the background is tan, like it's been out in the sun. Maybe on a bike or outside a coffee warehouse. Then there's all the blue. And see the little bits of white? That's the sparkle, like joy bursting forth. That black in the center? That's a window but it's sorta shaded. Not everyone can see inside but I do. I look through it and I see love and desire and acceptance. I see all my dreams and every single one is coming true."

He saw it and understood. "It's my eye."

She leaned up against his chest and wiggled her left hand. The diamond ring threw prisms of color in the sunlight. "It's the moment you put this on my finger. The happiest moment of my life. I love you."

"I love you," he said as he kissed her. "Elizabeth, being without you nearly killed me. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

"It nearly killed us both. Never again," she vowed as her hands slid under his t-shirt. "You're mine, Jason Morgan, and I'm never letting go."

"I don't plan on giving you a reason, Elizabeth Webber," he promised as he helped her lift the shirt over his head. "In fact, I think we should work at not letting go right now."

Elizabeth ran her hand down his bare chest. "I love the way you think."

Jason lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She ran her tongue down his neck as he carried her upstairs. The painting was going to hang over their bed, he decided, but first he had other plans for that particular piece of furniture.

_-the end-_

_Thank you for reading!_


End file.
